The Day I Chose to Keep Going

When my son Dylan passed away, the world as I knew it shattered. He was just 18. A young man with dreams of becoming a gym teacher, of getting married someday, of having a family of his own. He had a smile that lit up a room, a love for food and sports (baseball and hockey), and a heart that never stopped hoping — even when leukemia tried to take everything from him.

I still remember him texting me a fortune from a fortune cookie while he was in the hospital:

LOOK FOR THE DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK. IT IS YOUR DESTINY.

His dream was remission...

Even in his final weeks, he believed in better days. And that belief has stayed with me.

But after losing him, I didn’t know how to keep going. My days blurred together. Every corner of the house held a memory. I cried every day — and I still do most days. The pain never fully leaves; it just changes shape.

The day I chose to keep going wasn’t a dramatic moment. It was quiet. I was sitting with my morning coffee, lost in the ache, when the thought came:

What if I just try today?

Not try to be “okay.”

Not try to forget.

Just try to take one step forward.

It’s been almost two years now, and life looks different. This is my new normal. That doesn’t mean it’s easy or that I’ve “moved on” — I never will. But I’ve learned that grief and life can exist together. I can laugh and still miss him. I can plan for the future and still carry him with me.

I’ve poured my heart into Pure Heavenly 27, my space for grieving mothers. I’m working on programs that combine my grief journey with holistic healing — nutrition, aromatherapy, movement, breathwork, Reiki — because I know firsthand how loss affects every part of you, mind and body.

Some days I’m strong and productive. Other days, the grief hits hard and I give myself permission to just be. I’ve stopped fighting those moments. I acknowledge them. I let the tears come. And then, when I’m ready, I keep going.

If you’re in your own grief, I want you to know this: You don’t have to be “over it” to live again. You don’t have to stop missing them to find joy again.

Just try today.

And tomorrow, try again.

Journaling Prompt

Take a quiet moment and write about a day — big or small — when you chose to keep going. What helped you that day? What does “trying” look like for you right now?

There are no right or wrong answers. Your words are yours, and they matter.

You’re not alone on this journey.

Whether today feels heavy or a little lighter, remember that every step you take — no matter how small — is an act of courage and love.

Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself permission to feel.

And when you’re ready, keep choosing to keep going.

I’m here with you, every step of the way.

With love,

Amanda