How Grief Affects Your Nervous System How to Support It with Love and Patience
- Amanda Gervais
- Nov 6
- 3 min read
If you’re a grieving mother like me, you already know grief isn’t “just emotional.” It hits the body. Hard.
When I lost my son Dylan, my whole world changed — but so did my nervous system. Suddenly I wasn’t sleeping. My heart raced for no reason. I forgot simple things. Loud noises made me jump. I was exhausted and wired all at once.
I remember thinking, “Why does this feel like trauma in my bones?”
Because it is.
Grief + Your Nervous System: What’s Actually Happening?
Our nervous system is designed to keep us safe. When something terrifying or devastating happens — like losing a child — our body flips into survival mode.
Here’s what that can look like:
Fight mode: Anger, restlessness, frustration
Flight mode: Not wanting to be still with your thoughts, staying overly busy
Freeze mode: Numbness, shutdown, staring into space
Fawn mode: People-pleasing, avoiding conflict to maintain “safety”
This was me — switching between all of them. One day energized and doing “all the things” to avoid pain. The next day unable to get off the couch.
And because the nervous system is connected to hormones, digestion, sleep, and memory?
Grief shows up in…
Fatigue
Gut issues
Brain fog
Irregular cycles
High stress hormones
Anxiety + panic
Feeling disconnected from your body
You’re not “broken. "Your body is protecting you the best way it knows how.
Why We Need to Slowly Teach the Body: “I Am Safe”
Your nervous system doesn’t heal with tough love. It heals with gentleness.
The goal isn’t to avoid grief — it’s to help your body hold it without shutting down.
This is something I’m still learning daily. One tiny step at a time.
5 Nervous System–Soothing Tools That Helped Me Through Grief
1️⃣ Breathwork for Release
When emotions get stuck in the body, breath tells your nervous system: We can handle this. Even 2 minutes can shift everything.
Inhale for 4 — hold 2 — exhale for 6Repeat x 5 cycles
2️⃣ Nature + Grounding
Bare feet on the earth. Hand on a tree. Walks in silence. Nature regulates us because we are nature.
This became one of my safe places — just me, my breath, and Dylan.
3️⃣ Aromatherapy
Scent connects directly to the brain’s emotional center. Lavender, bergamot, and frankincense became daily support in my grieving rituals.
4️⃣ Gentle Movement (Not Punishment)
Yoga, stretching, slow walks. Movement helps the body move sadness, fear, guilt, love — all of it.
5️⃣ Journaling
Getting emotions out of your head so the nervous system can take a break from holding them all. Some days my journaling is one sentence: “I miss him. "That counts.
You’re Not Supposed to Be the Same After Loss
My nervous system will never be the system that lived before November 27, 2023. It’s different now — more sensitive, yes, but also more aware… more loving… more tuned into what matters.
Your grief changed you because your love was real.
Here’s Your Permission Slip
Rest without explaining
Cry when your chest gets tight
Ask for help before breaking
Choose slowness
Be gentle with yourself — always
Healing isn’t forcing your nervous system to “get over it.” Healing is letting your body feel safe enough to live again.
I like to think every deep breath I take is a message to Dylan: “I’m still here. I’m still loving you.”
And I know he’s sending love right back.
If you want support with this — nervous system regulation, nutrition for hormone balance, movement, aromatherapy — this is the heart behind Pure Heavenly 27. You don’t have to walk this alone.
Stay Connected + Be the First to Hear
I’m working on new programs, eBooks, workshops, and so much more — all designed to support grieving mothers like you.
If you’d like to be the first to hear when something new is ready, sign up for updates. You’ll get early access, helpful tips, and gentle guidance straight to your inbox.
Sign up here: Contact | Pure Heavenly 27
Together, we’ll keep honoring our children, supporting our bodies, and finding calm moments in the chaos of grief. 🦋
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