Do I Have to Let My Child Go for Them to Be Free?
- Amanda Gervais
- Nov 20
- 3 min read
There’s a question that sits heavy on the hearts of grieving parents — a question people don’t often talk about out loud:
“Do I have to let my child go for them to be free?”
After losing my son, Dylan, I heard it often:
“You need to let him go.”
“He can’t be free until you release him.”
Every time those words were spoken, I felt a pain that words can’t describe. How do you let go of your own child? Why would you? And worse — what if holding on meant he wasn’t free?
For a long time, I carried that fear quietly, the way many of us do.
But here is what grief — and love — eventually taught me:
You do not have to let your child go for them to be free.
And I want to share this truth with you, because maybe you’re carrying the same fear too.
Your child is already free.
I used to worry that my tears kept Dylan anchored to my pain…that remembering him meant I was keeping him here…that talking to him meant he couldn't move forward.
But here’s the truth I now know in my bones:
Our children are not trapped by our love.
They are not held down by our grief.
They are not waiting on us to “release” them.
They are already free — free from pain, free from fear, free in a way our human hearts can’t fully grasp.
Our love doesn’t confine them.
Love connects.
Love threads.
Love continues.
Nothing about that connection keeps them from growing, expanding, or being at peace.
If anything, it keeps them close.
You don’t have to let go. You just learn to hold them differently.
Grief is full of pressure — pressure to “move on,” pressure to “heal,” pressure to “accept and release.” But the truth is, you don’t move on from your child.
You move forward with them.
It was about letting go of the belief that healing meant forgetting.
It was about allowing myself to breathe again without feeling like I was betraying him. It was about carrying him in a softer place — not in the shattered edges of the early days, but in a deeper, gentler way.
You’re not meant to release your child. You’re meant to carry them differently as your heart slowly learns a new rhythm.
You are not doing grief wrong.
Maybe you still talk to your child.
Maybe their clothes are still untouched.
Maybe their room is exactly the same.
Maybe you wear their necklace every day.
Maybe you still see signs and believe they’re from them.
Maybe you cry more than you think you “should.”
You are not doing grief wrong.
You are a parent.
And a parent never stops loving their child — in this life or the next.
Healing doesn’t ask you to stop loving.
Healing makes room for love to feel a little less like breaking.
And if you’re not there yet, that’s okay too.
To every grieving parent reading this:
I wish I could sit beside you and just let you breathe.
I wish I could hold space for the questions you don’t know how to say out loud.
I wish I could take away even one layer of the guilt, fear, confusion, and ache you carry.
But what I can give you is this:
You do not have to let your child go.
You only have to keep going — with them beside you in the way they exist now.
Your child is free.
Your child is at peace.
Your child is not waiting on you to stop loving them.
And you…you are not alone.
Not for one second.
We walk this road together, learning how to breathe in a world that feels both too loud and too quiet without them.
In Loving Memory of Dylan
This blog — and so much of my heart’s work — is dedicated to my beautiful son, Dylan. His strength, his laughter, his spirit, and the love he gave continue to guide me every single day.
Everything I am building now, I build with him.
Everything I heal, I heal with him.
Everything I share, I share because of him.
What’s Coming Next
I’m creating new programs, eBooks, and tools for grieving mothers — resources that blend:
nervous system support
hormone health during grief
nutrition
gentle mind-body practices
emotional healing
and the reassurance that you are not alone
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